FEBRUARY 14th 2025

HAPPY SAINT VALENTINE’S DAY !

(post originated from my Facebook)

After 4 decades (yes since the womb) of carrying other people’s emotional, and literal physical baggage, I’ve really been enjoying this self love era af.

I can tell that some people get me wrong when they read my posts about self love, and the pitfalls of loving a narcissist. I can tell that a good number of people think I’m excluding myself from the lessons I’ve learned along the way in these toxic energy exchanges, or they think I must somehow think I’m exempt from narcissistic behavior myself at times. {I’m not blind to any of these things.}

What I’m saying is -
Since infancy, I’ve been imprinted with the generational curse of the strong woman archetype, where the women in the maternal side of my family end up holding most of the bag while the men are somehow removed from the daily grind and workload of the family household. Whether it be through death, or escapism tendencies, absent father figures within the home seem to be an ancestral thing for us. And what that has done psychologically, emotionally, physically, and spiritually to the women in my line is devastating. Women such as us all seem to have been blessed with the largest of hearts and intuitive abilities to match them, but on the flip side we can also be the most devouring when we are not in balance.

When people on here see me preaching about how important it is to be vigilant about SELF LOVE, SELF CARE, and SELF CENTEREDNESS - it’s because I have lived through it. I have embodied both ends of the spectrum - the most fearless psychic warrior in the name of love, as well as the most scheming and manipulative bitch when I am not validating my own self, but rather was depending on other’s to do that for me. The last 3 years, most profoundly, have been my own climb from out of the pit of hell - where I had fallen way too hard in the name of love way too many times. And this wasn’t just with romantic partners, this was also with communities as well as platonic and same sex friendships. I was habitually giving more of myself, so naturally, than what I was demanding in equitable return. I was never approaching those situations with the intent to be taken advantage of - I would just naturally walk in to them with my heart open and my spiritual eyes shut. I’ve always just assumed that the Golden Rule was how everyone operated - and to this day, I still do. I just now HAVE TO keep reminding myself that so many people are not wired this way, either by design or by traumatic conditioning.

I know that the narcissists of my past were all part of God’s plan for me to learn more necessary balance in my own path and perspective. And I know that it’s nobody else’s fault for how far I ever let any of those situations go, except my own. Neither is it anyone else’s fault in how I’ve handled myself in those situations, either.

But what I’m saying to you now is that I’ve earned to right to speak on true self love and self nurturing with full conviction - BECAUSE OF MY PAST. And because of my family’s past. And because of humanity’s past.

I have learned necessary disciplines, and what happens when sensitive souls don’t operate from a space of healthy self centeredness. And what happens when we do not take enough time with ourselves to fully know our own limitations before things start to get unhealthy for us to engage any longer. I have learned about the Shadow within oneself that will rear it’s ugly head to restore balance when such said dynamics are perpetuated. And I have authentically grown body and soul tired of such toxic cycles within myself, and with others. And all I want to do now is live well for myself and my son, and to help other people that need my type of spiritual strength and insight in this arena.

Some would say that I am overly sensitive with how I guard myself now at this point after all I’ve been through. And to that I would say that’s ok. People can feel however they want to feel about my personal path of recovery. And I’ve noticed the most people that want to bitch about how I’m handling and preserving myself now are usually those that are precisely who I am rightfully needing to protect myself from.

This Valentine’s Day - I am enjoying deep love for myself. I spent today and yesterday pampering myself physically with hair, nails, and the gym. Now, I need to get more sleep. And tomorrow - deeper boundaries with social media too to preserve my energy better than I have been with this crazy wave of LEO full moon we just came off from. This recent lunation was really super charged for me!

I hope everyone felt loved today. And if you did not - I hope that you can learn to give the love you need to yourself.